Haunted Dreams
by UltimateOptimist
Summary: Zaf has returned safely from his capture in season 6 but is struggling to get over his ordeal. How can the team help him? ZafJo 1st spooks fic! Please R&R Rated T for one swear word and themes of mild torture. NOW COMPLETE!
1. during the night

OK well I'm new to fanfic so please R and R this could be evolved but only if I get enough positive reviews!! 

This is an idea of what Zaf will be feeling after returning from his kidnapping in season 6. This is purely made up (as in my world he is alive and returns!!) Little bit of ZafJo

DISCLAMIER: I don't own Spooks or anything in it (shame, I would love to own Zaf!!)

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Zaf had always been a light sleeper, sometimes at night he couldn't sleep so he crept downstairs and worked on his laptop, careful not to wake his co-worker and flatmate Jo. Since his return from being shot and kidnapped he hardly ever slept and any sleep he got (usually from sleeping pills) was haunted by horrible, terrifying dreams and flashbacks.

Tonight was no exception, Zaf thrashed around, he could feel the bullet enter the skin, the burning of his torture. He could hear his owns screams and the evil laughter of his captors. Waking with a start, he looked around only to find his room and he was now on the floor. His jaw was aching, sweat was dripping face and his throat was sore from talking and groaning in his sleep. He had a horrible sick feeling in his stomach and his healing scar of the bullet wound on his abdominal burned. "Shit!" He thought, "I hope woken up Jo."

As it happened Jo was awake anyway, it was just one of those nights where she couldn't sleep. She heard Zaf groan in his sleep and realised he must be dreaming again, for the past month, since he was released from hospital following his 3 week capture he was dreaming pretty much every night. Jo thought about waking him but knew he would be mortified if he knew she knew the nightmares he was having. She heard the light footsteps belonging to her friend , deep down she wanted more but after the recent incidents she felt it was the wrong time to start anything , Zaf wasn't in a good place right now. She then heard the living room door shut quietly, Zaf had given up on sleeping. Jo wanted to seen how he was but thought it was probably better for him to have a few hours on his own but she did set her alarm for 5AM so she could check on him.

During the day he seemed his usual self, maybe a little quieter and his boyish, cheeky grin displayed less often but that seem to be expected after everything. But at night he couldn't forget like he did when he was working or chatting, he couldn't help but dwell and relive his nightmare. He shivered as he thought of one of the many beatings he'd received. They were brutal and he still had the scars to prove it. He glanced at the large clock, it was 3AM he had the grand total of 4 hours of sleep. "Great" he muttered, and today ends my first day back on the grid.

He was told to visit a councillor and he did once, but he didn't talk much and cancelled further appointments. He just wasn't ready to talk about it. It was only three weeks, and he knew in that respect he was lucky but it still affected him deeper than he would admit to. They were the most lonely, painful and terrifying three weeks of his live. He couldn't remember being that scared in his life ever and he thought of Jo everyday and how she was. It was the only thing that made him feel better or indeed anything. He wanted to maybe go further in their relationship but now he thought she wouldn't want to. He was damaged goods and needed time to heal, if he could ever. His eyes shone with unshed tears as he thought of her and the relationship he'd probably lost. He just wanted to feel and behave normal.

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So what do you think? Who can help Zaf? Who will choose to ? Read the next chapter to find out . Sorry if chapter is a bit short 


	2. all in a moring's work

OK Now this is morning and it follows Zaf's morning at work and how other team member seen him Can anyone help him?? 

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SPOOKS (WISH I OWNED ZAF!!)

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At 5 AM the loud shrill of Jo's alarm clock filled her room. Groaning she knocked off the alarm and grudgingly dragged herself out of bed. Quietly she pushed open the living room door to see Zaf sprawled on the sofa clearly struggling with an nightmare, he was whispering "No.. I don't know." He was obviously re-living one of his many interrogations thought Jo.

"Zaf" she whispered soothingly placing her hand gently on his thigh, "wake up babe. C'mon it's just a dream."

Slowly he opened his eyes and looked into Jo's pretty face. He was momentarily disorientated until he realised that he was dreaming and he was actually in his own sitting room .

"Sorry." He murmured, obviously embarrassed and wiping the sweat of his face. "It's ok, that's what roomies are for," she joked with a smile. He returned her smile with one of his genuine grins and Jo thought it was a beautiful sight, even though it was rare these days.

" I'll make some coffee" said Jo, noticing Zaf's yawn that broke their moment, and with that she hurried into the kitchen to start their usual morning routine of coffee, breakfast, work while Zaf went to get changed upstairs out of his grey tracksuit into something more work acceptable.

It was just after 7 when they both strolled into the office. Ros was already sitting at her desk, typing furiously, glancing up when she saw the two of them and nodded a hello. "God" she thought "Zaf looks awful. I wonder how he's coping?" She asked herself making a mental note to mention it to Harry and Adam when she saw them next. Zaf was more likely to open up to Adam than anyone else. The two had grown close since Zaf became a part of the team.

Zaf did look terrible and he knew it. He had dark circles under his eyes where the sleepless nights had caught up with him, his face was quite pale again from not sleeping. He didn't feel too great either with a dull ache in his head that seemed to punishing him. He sighed and decided to just try and get through the day, with that thought he turned on his computer and started to finish one of the reports lying on his desk.

Adam walked into the building at approximately 7:30, "not a bad time,"he grinned to himself considering his son Wes decided he didn't want to go to school so he and his nanny had to persuade and bribe him to go so Adam could leave the house. His grinned disappeared as he got into his serious work mode. He bumped into Jo in the corridor, literally, with files and folders flying everywhere. "Sorry!" They both exclaimed. Jo looked tired thought Adam as he gazed at her face, her smile not completely disguising her slightly tired face. "Are you ok?" asked Adam, concern clouding his face as he waited for the reply of the most inexperienced team member.

"Yeah fine just had one of those nights, you know?" Jo answered Adam nodded, he knew only too well, and handed her the last folder. She took it gave her thanks and then left, heels clicking on the hard floor.

As he entered the main office he saw Ros typing away completely focused on her task. Typical he smiled, one of the things he liked about her was her ability to focus and stick at a task until it was done.

His smile faded when he saw Zaf staring at his computer, fingers twitching. He looked like he hadn't slept in ages "probably hasn't" thought Adam with a small sigh.

He knew that Zaf was going through a lot but he didn't know how to help him. All he did was act normal and Zaf normally returned his playful banter but it was obvious his capture had an effect on him, the pale skin and dark circles spoke more than Zaf ever could.

Harry then stepped out of his office and motioned for Zaf to come and join him. Zaf looked confused but stood up andfollowe him anyway, his head still aching dully. Ros and Adam just looked at each other as if to say "what's going on?"

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What does Harry want with Zaf? Who knows find out soon!! Plz R and R so i know if to contuinue or any cahnges i need to make. thanxs 


	3. Unwanted images and memories

OK this is chapter three 

What could Harry want with Zaf?

Please R and R

DISCLAIMER: I don't own spooks (I'm just borrowing them!)

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Zaf shut the door to Harry's office nervously. The pounding in his head was becoming more and more unbearable with every moment. 

"Sit Zaf," Harry instructed and Zaf obeyed.

"I know this is difficult Zaf, but I need you to write up your final statement of events and look at the photographs so you can ID your captors and finally close the case."Harry said.

Zaf rolled his eyes, this was the thing he had been trying to avoid since he came back to the grid. He didn't want to look at the photos in the file that was now in his shaking hands, in his dreams they were just blurred faces. That's what Zaf wanted, he didn't want vivid images of them in his head, the blurred ones were bad enough.

"Please Zaf, the sooner you do this the sooner you can heal and move on." Harry pleaded, he saw the obvious hesitation of Zaf and knew he was trying to avoid doing this. Harry tried to put this off too but now it couldn't wait the government wanted a completed report. This was the only thing left, and the hardest thing to do.

Zaf nodded an ok, closed his eyes willing his head to stop pounding for a minute, took a deep breath and opened the file. He saw the faces of the criminals who caught him, memories flooded his mind. His hands trembled and the pounding of his head increased so much he thought it was going to explode. He couldn't stop them, the sick burning feeling in his stomach had returned and a wave of nausea hit him hard. His stomach lurched and he ran out of Harry's office hand over his mouth.

Adam, Ros and Jo looked at each other in alarm. What was going on? Adam stood up from his desk and looked over at Harry's eyes wide and full of question. Harry shrugged his response. Adam decided to follow Zaf and went down the corridor.

Zaf just made it to the toilets just in time. He leaned over and emptied his stomach. His stomach heaved again and again. It hurt to breath. Zaf sat down his whole body trembling. Shakily he put his hand to his painful head, his forehead covered in sweat. He felt tears prick his eyes as he tried to erase the memories in his head.

Adam could hear Zaf throwing up from outside the bathroom. He waited before going in as he knew Zaf wouldn't want anyone to know what had just happened. He then slowly entered the bathroom.

"Zaf mate, are you ok?"He heard the horrible sound of Zaf being sick for the third time and grimaced. He had no idea what to do or say to help him.

"I will be I a minute ok Adam?" Replied Zaf struggling to hide his discomfort as yet another flashback hit him , followed by the familiar wave of nausea. Zaf groaned as his stomach heaved yet again but there was nothing to bring up. Shakily he stood up and took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. Slowly he opened the cubicle door to find Adam standing there his usually bright blue eyes clouded with concern.

"You sure you are ok? What happened?"Adam asked

"Just reacted badly to flashbacks that's all Zaf tried to smile but he couldn't manage it completely. He ran a shaky hand through his hair and then started to splash water across his face. The images in his head fading away.

"I'll give you a minute ok. If you want to take the day I'm sure Harry will understand.

"No it's ok I just need a minute. See you in a sec."

With that Adam left Zaf with his own thoughts and returned back to the office where he was greeted by the anxious faces of Jo and Ros. "He's ok. Harry was showing him images of his captors and he had some flashbacks. He'll be back in a minute just act normal ok?"Adam ordered.

True to his word a few minutes later Zaf entered the office, switched on his computer and began the work he was doing before. He didn't look up or make eye contact to his other team members. He didn't need to he knew they'd be watching anyway. At least his hands had stopped trembling and the flashbacks had stopped thought Zaf as he let his workload consume his anger, frustration and fear.

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Next chapter is a Zaf and Jo moment so keep reading 


	4. A little breakthrough

**Thanks for the reviews, I've decided to keep the fic going and will try to update ASAP (school work permitting) **

**Ok so this is a ZafJo kinda moment in the grid and at home**

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Zaf hardly stopped working all day, too much work to do, too many memories to forget. He was frustrated, thinking he was slowly getting over it, letting go of his fear and anger. Ok so had a few nightmares but during the day, he did forget. During the day he was feeling more normal. More like Zaf.

But since seeing the pictures today had changed his thoughts. He couldn't get the reaction of fear he had, how could that be normal?? He was beginning to feel the familiar ache in his head again. Great he thought with a roll of his eyes.

Jo was watching him from her desk. It was nearly 10pm and she had finally finished writing up the details from his last under cover operation and had scoped the surveillance tape Adam had told her to watch. She looked over to see Zaf head on hands staring into space. It broke her heart to see him like this, the guy she loved; No liked she told herself. Whatever went on in the meeting with Harry had seriously affected him. Yes at night his memories haunted him, but on the grid he seemed more normal, if not just quieter than before.

Not being able to stand it anymore, she walked quietly to his desk. Standing behind him she placed her hand softly on his back and put her mouth to his ear

"Zaf are you ready to go home now?" Jo whispered.

"Hmm? Em, yeah just give me a second." Replied Zaf.

A few minutes later they were sitting in Zaf's car finally going home after a long day. Nothing was really going on at the grid, just finishing reports and closing old cases, tying up loose ends. In this job you could go through weeks of tons of work and then have the old slow week, like this one. Thought Jo as they sat silently Jo gazing out of the window, Zaf concentrating on the road. His brown eyes focussing on the road, full of concentration.

Jo for one was happy for the quiet week, hoping it would leave her feeling fresh and rejuvenated. Zaf however wasn't so happy. He liked having lots of work to do, it gave him something to think about at night.

The complete drive was silent, once they had parked Jo decided to try and get Zaf to open up. Whatever he was thinking, it obviously wasn't a nice thing.

"Zaf, do you wan to talk about what happened in his office today." She asked quietly.

Zaf kept his eyes focused on the steering wheel, not wanting Jo to see the tears that he could feel sting the back of his eyes. Taking a deep shaky breath he decided to tell her about it.

Waiting for his answer Jo waited patiently, knowing she had almost broke the protective shell he had encased himself in since his return.

"Harry, he wants me to finish my report on ... what happened," not wanting to use the word kidnapping, "he.. he showed me pictures of who they think took me and it brought everything back to me."

He paused to wipe a single tear that ran down his cheek, inside he cursed himself for crumbling and actually showing the emotions he had been bottling up. Jo however was glad he was finally telling her how he felt, she felt it made him a strong person for doing so. She took his hand reassuringly and gave it a squeeze letting him know she was there for him.

"Everything just hit me at once, the beatings, abuse, torture for information. I spent the whole time thinking of how I would never see my friends, family...you. The tied me to a chair and left me like that for days, sometimes one or two men would come in and just attack me and I couldn't defend myself or stop it."His voice had finally cracked on the last word, remembeing other more hoffic tortures he was subjected to but couldn't face telling Jo, so Jo pulled him into a tight hug and rubbed his back soothingly.

"Everything is going to be ok. It's alright to feel like this, I will help you through this, we all will. You are not alone Zaf."She spoke softly and comfortingly. "Come on let's go inside, it's too cold here." She added as she pulled away and opened the door.

Zaf had to smile at that as he nodded, taking a deep breath and wiping away his tears, he got out of the car and locked it.

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**What did you think? let me know i want a few reviews before I add more to make sure it's ok **

**So please R and R!!**


	5. a talk between friends

**Ok so I have the next chapters planned but im also drafting a story for thr bill as inspiration has struck so apoligies for lack of updates!!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SPOOKS (otherwise Zaf wouldn't be supposedly dead)**

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The next morning Adam, Jo and Zaf all looked like they had about 7 hours of sleep between them. Adam was kept awake by his worry for Zaf, afterall he knew what it was like to go through a traumatic experience on the job.When Fiona died he found out the hard way that keeping emotions and feelings inside was not healthy. He was awake for most of the night trying to think of ways to help him. 

Zaf had also had a rough night, the nightmares were back and worse than ever. He spent most of the night re-living some of the worst memories of his life. It was not fun. The time that wasn't spent dreaming was spent either talking to Jo or trying to stay awake so he could escape from his dreams. He felt terrible, looked terrible and he knew it. He had thought of calling in sick ( it was Jo's suggestion as he wouldn't really be much use today seeing as he only had about two or three hours asleep.) But decided that spending a whole day in the house would drive him crazy. Plus he didn't want a day of doing nothing, he needed to keep busy right now.

Jo hadn't had much sleep either, she was talking to Zaf until the early hours of the morning. They chatted about what had happened on the grid when he was gone. It was just small talk but in a way it helped. Zaf cut the conversation short when he saw her yawn and noticed how tired she was. Trouble was that when she did go to bed she couldn't sleep, she kept thinking about Zaf and what he must have gone through both physically and emotionally. It kept her awake for hours until exhaustion finally overwhelmed her. She in such a deep sleep that she never heard Zaf battling his demons in the next room, but she could tell by his dishevelled appearance this morning that he had obviously had a troubled night.

Harry and Malcolm watched the three tired members of their team quietly sat at their desks. Adam was the first member in the office, surprisingly beating Ros in today, which shows how early he was. He had small shadows under his eyes, which wouldn't usually be noticed by people but these people were spooks and they noticed things that others wouldn't.

Ros entered the office 20 minutes later, surprised to see Adam already at his desk typing furiously with an untouched cup of coffee sat at the corner of the desk. He looked up when he heard the sounds of her shoes clicking on the floor.

"Hey," he said with a nod.

"Hi," she replied with a tight smile, she started to walk to her desk but changed her mind and turned on her heel to face Adam.

"Do you know if Zaf's ok? It's just he hasn't seemed his self lately," Ros asked, she didn't really want to show her concern but she was worried and couldn't hide it anymore.

"To be honest Ros I'm not sure, and I'm worried about him too. I hope Jo managed to talk to him last night."

"I didn't say she I was worried. I just have a slight concern about a college that's all." Ros replied.

Adam had to smile, he knew fine well underneath her hard exterior Ros did care about her fellow team members and she was just as worried about Zaf as Jo and the rest of the team were, including himself.

Zaf and Jo entered 15 minutes after Ros. Jo came in first looking tired but happier than she had in a while. She said her hello's and sat down at her desk, rubbing her eyes as she did so. Adam walked over from the coffee machine with two mugs and placed one on her desk.

"You look like you need it." He said with a warm smile.

"Thanks, for the coffee, not the remark about how I need it." She smiled back,"Zaf's parking the car before you even ask, he'll be up in a minute."

Adam grinned, how did she know he was going to ask that? He asked himself.

Sure enough Zaf wandered in a few minutes later. He looked exhausted, more tired than Jo and Adam put together Harry thought. It's about time to talk to Mr Younis Harry decided, he seemed to be self- destructing in front of his very eyes. Seeing Adam walking over to the desk Harry realised it would have to be later.

"Zaf, can I talk to you, outside."Adam whispered as he walked over to his desk. Zaf nodded tiredly and made his weary bones support him as he stood up and followed Adam outside the office, leaving Harry, Malcolm, Jo and Ros looking at each other bewildered.

"Mate you look awful, I'm guessing you had a bad night." Adam said, trying to lift the mood yet make his point at the same time. Zaf could only nod, too tired to pretend otherwise and tell Adam he was fine.

"You need to talk to someone about this Zaf, what you are doing isn't healthy, believe me I found out the hard way." Adam continued, hoping he was getting through to not only his team mate but what he considered to be a close friend.

Zaf looked at the floor, too busy fighting his emotions to speak, he felt hot tears prick his eyes. He fought them back furiously, he really didn't want to cry in front of Adam.

"Zaf we had this same conversation last year only the roles were reversed. You went through a hell of a lot out there, it's perfectly normal to feel like how you feel." Adam was in full flow now and Zaf knew he was right.

Taking a deep breath Adam said, "Wh...when Fiona died it was the worst moment of my life and I was in a really dark place for a long time but I didn't accept help at first from anyone but you never gave up on me. You made sure I got the help I needed and I will always be forever grateful as will my son. Now it is you turn. Let help me you, let us all help you." Adam finished.

Zaf couldn't hold back the tears any longer, the barrier keeping himself in check had dissolved. He was too tired to pretend anymore, hearing Adam talk about his wife like that and everything he went through made him realise he did need help to overcome his demons.

Seeing his friend start to cry Adam pulled him to a tight hug, letting know he was going to support him through all of this they all were.

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**Not many chapters left now!!**


	6. Trying to move on

**So this chapter is a bit short - I'm trying to finish it so not many chapters left now**

**This is just like a filler chapter really but still R and R to tell me what you thimk (even if you don't like it!!)**

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While Adam started to walk back inside to the office Zaf decided to stay outside for a while, letting the cool crisp air clear his mind and wake him up a little. He leaned on the railings near the river looking into the dark polluted water. He was trying to let all the anger, hurt and fear go but it was so difficult. He hadn't expected it to be easy, but this was so hard he couldn't believe it. The things he witnessed, the things that he suffered had all left their mark both physically and emotionally. He pulled up his shirt sleeve, revealing faint lines around his wrist. They had nearly faded completely but Zaf knew it was there. The lines were caused by the ropes that tied him up and held him down while he was being tortured. Late at night he could feel the rope cutting into his skin while he watched a burning iron come towards his torso. Shaking his head to wipe the images from his mind he decided to stop this once and for all. The nightmare he had been living in for months was going to stop now. Enough was enough.

When he entered the office no-one acknowledged his presence, knowing he wouldn't want any attention drawn to him. Adam obviously told them not to stare at him and ask if he was ok and he was grateful he did so. He sat down at his desk reading an email that had been sent to him from Harry. It read:

Zafar,

Some new intelligence has came up and I need to talk to you about a possible undercover mission. Meet me in my office at 1pm.

Zaf rolled his eyes and put his head in his hands. He really didn't need this right now. Shaking his head and giving a wry smile, which looked more like a smirk, he glanced at the clock. It was only 10am. Hesitantly his fingers accessed the file that Harry had attached to the file. He knew what it was, he recognized the reference code at the top. It was the file about him and his kidnapping.

Zaf looked around the office to see where and what his team members were doing. Jo was absorbed in whatever was written in the folder she was looking at. Ros was nowhere to be seen and Adam was typing away at his computer. Deciding it was now or never he clicked to open the file. After reading the report Harry made and his own statement he made just after being released. He decided to try and finish the report he had only half written, it needed to be done. The sooner he did it the sooner he could get better for him. Trying to push the memories out of his head he slowly started to type.

Adam couldn't help but smile when he took a brief look over at Zaf's desk. He knew he had finally managed to get threw to him and he was trying to move on. Noticing the shaking fingers and the way Zaf was pausing he guessed the report Harry wanted was being done. Seeing the intense look of concentration and sheer determination on his face Adam knew what he was doing and was pleased that Zaf was trying to move on.

Jo had also noticed Zaf's behaviour and also guessed what he was doing. She was pleased that the fighting spirit he had was back.

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What did you think??**


	7. Undercover?

**Just a quick to sat that there is only one or two chapters left (I know i've said that for a while but I am completely sure at how I want to end this now!!)**

**Hope you enjoy...**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own spooks...**

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At 1pm Zaf went to Harry's office full of apprehension, he wasn't looking forward to this and didn't feel ready to go back to undercover work yet. But in true Zaf fashion he wasn't going to admit that. 

Taking a deep breath Zaf knocked on the door, hoping in vain that Harry had a meeting that overran or he was busy with something else so it meant this meeting will have to be postponed.

"Come in Zafar."

Zaf cringed when he heard Harry's voice, all the happy thoughts of him escaping this had vanished immediately. Rubbing a hand over his face and sighing, he opened the door and stepped into the Lion's den. This wasn't going to be fun.

"You wanted to see me?" Zaf said, slightly nervous about Harry wanted him to do. It was unlike him to not want to be involved in an undercover investigation, usually he thrived on it but he hadn't exactly been himself lately even if he was trying to get back to the Zaf everyone knew.

"Yes, sit down." Harry instructed handing him a file. Zaf obeyed and began to look at the folder.

While Zaf was reading the information Harry took the time to look at the young spook properly. He looked exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes showing he hadn't been sleeping well. He'd also seen the faint scars on Zaf's wrists and what like an old burn on his right wrist when Zaf reached for the file and his shirt sleeve rolled up slightly. What had the young man been subjected man too when he was captured wondered Harry, shivering slightly at the idea. He knew Zaf needed help and hoped he would accept his offer, hoping to avoid a repeat of Adam's breakdown only a year earlier. Harry still felt guilty that he hadn't noticed how much Adam was hurting and haunted by what had happened. Sure he'd noticed how early Adam was into work and the signs of exhaustion on his face but Harry thought he was trying to work through his grief at losing his wife not that he was in any danger of breaking down. Harry wasn't going to let it happen again. Zaf wasn't ready for this operation and Harry was going to make him realise it.

Zaf looked up once he finished the file trying not to sure his thoughts about what Harry was asking him to do. The file was on a major terrorist group based in London but had members for up and down the country. The file wasn't particularly thick as not much information was known on them. The group was clever and knew how to keep a low profile, the only information they really knew was the name of the group and the attacks they may have taken part in. There was some slight information on the leader of one of the cells based in the northern part of London, where he worshipped, name e.c.t. just basic information. Harry was wanting him to infiltrate the cell by getting to know the leader and join the cell. He was there to collect information on any upcoming attacks and the members of the group. It will be difficult as they group was extremely secretive and violent. If Zaf was caught out he would almost certainly be killed.

Zaf knew he couldn't handle this, it was too soon, too difficult. The idea of putting him into a situation where he would be beaten as part of initiation to the group, to see how much pain he was willing to withstand to be a part of it wasn't something he wanted to do. Usually he would put up with it as it was his job and he'd done it before, but at the moment he couldn't stand it. His torture and captivity had left deep scars that weren't just physical.

Harry knew exactly what was going through Zaf's mind and truthfully they weren't too concerned about this group, some of the information on the file had been exaggerated. Yes the group was a threat but it was a small one and wasn't as violent as the file said. Getting Zaf to realise that he didn't have his usual enthusiasm and belief in himself that he could handle these violent and dangerous operations was important so he could get counselling and move on.

Looking to floor Zaf confessed "I don't think I can do this." His voice barely a whisper.

But it didn't need to be any louder because Harry heard and smiled. His plan had worked, Zaf was admitting defeat.

"That settles it than. You will take two weeks off and attend counselling sessions until you are declared fit for undercover work." Harry instructed, this wasn't a request.

"Wh..What?" Zaf asked not sure he had heard correctly, he was sure Harry would get angry about him refusing such a complex and important investigation.

"You need help to get over this Zaf, you are not your self even if you have finished that report. Thanks for that by the way, I received your email a few hours ago." He said with a wry smile.

Zaf looked at him blankly, obviously confused.

Harry laughed at his expression. "Don't worry about the operation. The information is, let's just say unreliable. Go and get better. We want the old Zaf back. Now go home and get some sleep. I'll ring you with the details of your therapy." Harry ordered, his eyes went back to the mountain of paperwork on the desk, indicating the conversation was over.

Zaf walked out the office, closing the door behind him. His mind was still trying to process what had just happened. With a shake of his head and a smile he asked himself

_Have I just been set up by Harry?_

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**I just wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed this fic so far. Please continue to R and R and let me know what you think!!**


	8. the confession

**Double post - aren't you lucky?? I'm sorry it's been a while she hides under white flag labeled school work Seriously I have been snowed under with coursework and 6th form induction stuff but I have finally finished this fic!!**

**This is the major moment Zaf/Jo lovers have been waiting for**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SPOOKS (Jack is my own creation)**

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Zaf got a phone call the next day from Harry telling him that he had been put on sick leave for a few weeks and the details of his sessions. At first he was confused then angry that Harry could bee so sly and sneaky, tricking him into admitting that he wasn't ready for work. But once he got home and had time to think about it he was grateful. Harry knew fine well it what he had done would have angered the young man, hence the reason why he had left it a day before he rang Zaf with the details even though he had sorted everything out before the meeting between the two. 

Zaf stood outside the block of flats where the therapist had his studio. He wanted to get better and back to normal but he wished he didn't have to do this. Jo had offered to come with him and wait until he had finished but he told her to go to work, he had to do this alone. Looking at his watch Zaf decided it was time to leave the cool, crisp air behind and go to his appointment. He didn't want to be too early.

He finally sat down in the councillors office, he was running late (no surprise there) and told Zaf to call him Jack. Jack seemed friendly enough but Zaf was still wary, not really liking the idea that everything he said was being analysed.

"So Zaf, Harry told me about everything he knows, which isn't a lot but I understand you are having some difficulties sleeping."

Zaf nodded.

"You can relax I can't read your mind." Jack smiled. "You need to tell me what kind of dreams you've been having lately and where they have come from, take your time."

Zaf sighed he really wanted to hate Jack but he seemed a really nice, genuine person that he couldn't.

"I, erm, get flashbacks of ... stuff that happened during my capture." Zaf started to look at his hands in front of him, eyes looking down, "I can't remember exactly everything in them, but there is one reoccurring dream that I have. I'm in this dark room and the walls are dark with blood, my blood and they feel like they close in on me. I'm lying on the floor tied up and gagged and no-one is there, It's just me. I know that didn't happen but it's how I felt in ... well there, I guess."

Zaf paused and took a breath, trying to gather his thoughts and think about his dream. Seeing the Zaf was beginning to struggle Jack said, "you are doing great, just take your time."

Nodding Zaf closed his eyes briefly, steadying the world wind of emotions swirling inside him. " There was one thing they did a lot. They strapped me to a chair and they put a piece of metal in the fire..."

It took all the self control that Jack had not to wince, he knew what was coming next.

"They asked who I worked for and what I knew about them, when I didn't answer them they hit me, they broke many of my ribs. Then they take the metal out of the fire. It was shaped in a cross. They put it on my chest or my back and left it there to burn my skin and blister. Then they took it off and went away, only to return a few hours later with either the same poke or a whip or a tank of water. It was endless in there." Zaf shuddered as he remembered some of the other things that he was subjected to during his capture. Therapy was not fun.

About an hour later Zaf left the building and made his way home, feeling completely drained emotionally. Re-living his nightmares and tortures was hard. The things that he had been subjected to even shocked Jack. Jack tried to hide his horror and disgust at what had been done to him, but Zaf could tell by his body language what he was thinking.

As he drove home, he couldn't help but think of Jo. His flatmate, colleague, friend. He wanted more, he wanted to let her in and tell her he loved her. If he was facing his demons, he may as well confront his obvious feelings for Jo. He was crazy about her. So he decided it was time to tell her, even if he did get rejected by her he wanted to know one way or another.

"JO!" He shouted as he entered the front door.

"In the living room," came the reply.

He walked into the living room and smiled at what he saw. Jo in her pyjamas, having just came in from a long day, cradling a mug of hot chocolate and watching TV.

"How did it go?" She asked as soon as she heard him enter the room, anxious to see how the session went.

"Ok, draining but ok. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be," Zaf answered while sitting down on the comfy chair next to the sofa.

"Jo... I've been thinking lately and well, I need you to know how I feel." He started, looking at Jo directly.

Jo sat a little straighter and nodded for him to continue.

"I... I love you, ok?Have done for ages and when I was captured, you were all I could think about. You kept me alive." He said softly, tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

Jo also had tears in her eyes. She wanted to hear this for so long, her heart ached for it and now it was happening. She smiled and leaned over to where Zaf was sitting and kissed him.

The kiss took Zaf by surprise. But he was pleased and then disappointed when Jo pulled away to breath. It felt so good to finally be this close.

"I'm still going to need help. I haven"t healed yet Jo. You need to understand that."Zaf pleaded, voice shaking with raw emotion.

Putting a hand on his chest Jo whispered, "I know Zaf and I'm hear to help. I need you."

"I love you." Zaf told her.

"I love you too," Jo smiled through her tears and squeezing his hand.

They then went upstairs...

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**What do you think??**


	9. Epilogue

**I want to thank everyone who has reviewed and encourage me to continue this fic. I also want to thank in advance people who will review the last 2 chapters.**

**This is just a short epilogue.**

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"Zaf... Stop it!" Jo laughed as they walked back grid. It was Zaf's first day back since he started his therapy. It was over now as Jack was satisfied that Zaf had worked through his demons and problems. Yes he still suffered from the odd nightmare but on the whole he was back to the Zaf that everyone knew and loved.

Adam couldn't help nut smile as he watched the two lovebirds enter the office. He was glad Zaf was back to normal. He looked so happy and healthy it was unbelievable that a few weeks ago Zaf had looked like an empty shell. He was back and as cheeky and as happy as ever.

"So your finally back then. I see you and Jo are.. Shall we say close." Adam teased with a wink. Zaf just shrugged his shoulders and laughed.

Adam stood up and pulled Zaf into a hug. "Great to see you back mate. I hated being double teamed by Jo and Ros," he whispered.

"I heard that."Ros said, coming from nowhere. Zaf and Adam shared a "_where did she come from?"_ look.

"Ok we have a new crisis. Team meeting now." Harry ordered, stepping out of his office. "Oh, welcome back Zafar. Now move team."

Zaf just smiled as they all sttod up and made their way to the briefing room, the excitement of his return had vanished. It was like he had never left...


End file.
